In a spirit of RIPQ, this month we ask: who the hell do Mike & Jon think they are? Do they really expect us to believe they've just been swimming in cottage cheese doing guppy impressions for weeks? What about the rumours of equine stampedes, otter wave-machines, and biological lava lamps? What about the nauseatingly real sense-memories of proto-sub-SubKick, or the crowds of one-fact wonders helping Franz Ferdinand's bassist tie his tie? It all adds up to random squared. Not that this episode has no redeeming features: there's pioneering electronic wholemeal toast, the most ungoogleable show ever, an eerily calm spin cycle, and Donmar's antidote to cubicle nostalgia. But beware the onanistic yodelling of The Worst Record In The World, which may cause you to inflict double damage on your speakers with a pencil. And don't you dare call us offensively inoffensive, or we'll throw you out of Costa's!

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